I’ve admitted in the past that I have sometimes doubted my ability to look after Worm, and even that at times I have wished that someone would come and take her away to give me a break. Well you know what they say, be careful what you wish for……
I’m going back to work, this was always the plan, in fact I am actually going back to work a few months later than we originally hoped. I will be working 2 days per week in a role similar to my previous one. I am scared, excited, nervous and filled with trepidation about going back, firstly because I’ve gotten used to reporting to myself and secondly because for the first time in nearly 8 months my baby will be in someone elses regular care.
The thought that a stranger will be looking after my child terrifies me. I find myself asking questions about the child care centres evacuation plans, what do they do incase of a dangerous person entering, what about if a child is ill if; the parent doesn’t have substitute care, are the staff qualified, how are they qualified, what will they do if Worm wont eat?. All these fears are now arising, some are rational fears, some completely irrational.
I fear that with Worm being looked after by someone else for 8 hours a day I’ll lose ‘something’. I know it’s only 2 days per week, but it’s the start of her growing up to be an independent person.
The biggest fear I have though, is in relation to Worms eating, she barely eats any solid food and is still refusing the bottle. The only reliable source of food she has is me. The care centre is aware of this, and they have promised me that if she refuses to eat for them they will call me down & not let her go hungry. I am left wondering again if I am making the right decision to go back to work, maybe I should stay home with her forever, forgetting my own career ambitions, my own sanity, just so she can eat her chosen food. This I can recognize as unrealistic, and I know that the chances of her taking a bottle of expressed milk when I am not there is high, and I know that the staff are experienced and that Worm will receive the best care possible.
Time will tell…….